101 Creative Ways To Tell A Telemarketer No

1. Just Say No.

2. Tell them you're not interested.

3. Just say Goodbye.

4. Tell them to go away.

5. Speak a language different from the telemarketer

6. Don't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number.

7. Tell them to stop calling this number.

8. Answer and then hangup

9. Ask them to 'please repeat' every 30 seconds.

10. Belch on the phone.

11. Say 'no thank you'

12. Answer the phone and stage a domestic dispute.

13. Ask them personal questions.

14. Tell them you would like to send them a personal check but you need their home number to call them back.

15. Ask them what you need to do in order to make more than them.

16. Try to upsell them on a product of yours

example: 'ok ok ok, I hear what you're saying but listen to this... I have the most comfortable chair in the world do you like foof chairs?'

17. Pretend as if the call was a call back for a voice audition and act excited let them know which song you are going to sing for them and then start singning.

18. Tell the telemarketer that they have a sexy voice and that you are looking for new talent, and then ask them if they would be interested in auditioning. What industry? Must you really ask?

19. Repeat everything that the telemarketer has said to you

20. Interrupt them every 1 minute by asking questions

21. Tell them that you need to think about and that you'll call them back at home once they've settled down

22. Answer the phone and leave it on speaker phone, and walk away while talking.

23. Answer the phone and act as crass as possible.

24. Answer the phone and try your best to get free stuff, tell them you want the hook up without the 'hook'

25. Act as if you are serious danger and ask them for advice

26. Sound as if you are having a bad day and tell them that you just need someone to talk to

27. Speak in reverse (pig latin)

28. Agree with everything and just as they are going to close the deal act as if you are breaking up or can't hear them

29. Just laugh the whole time on the phone until they hang up

30. Using any method, annoy them so much until they say, 'have a good day sir/ ma'am'

31. Pant really loud into the phone

32. Play loud music into the phone

33. Tell how much of a fan you are of Kris Kross, and if they ask who, then start singing the 'Jump!'chorus

34. Speak to them in pimp language (I have no clue what is pimp language, but a buddy of mine is good at sounding like a pimp)

35. Pretend to be a broken answering machine, that just repeats the message.

36. Act as if you owe them money and start talking frantically and saying, 'Please don't hurt me, i'll pay you as soon as tomorrow, meet me on Main street around 9pm and I promise you no tricks'

37. Act as if they owe you money and start talking with a serious tone, 'I'm glad you called finally called, now where is my money?'

38. Re-enact an a skit from 'Crank Yankers'

39. Read the bill of rights on the phone

40. Read the constitution over the phone

41. Read a recipe over the phone

42. Speak your mind over the phone

43. Try your best to get them to flip out over the phone

44. Tell them you have that stuff for sale that they've always wanted, but this time it's gonna cost them. If they ask what stuff, tell them 'you know the stuff i'm talking about'

45. Ask them if this conversation is being recorded (they have to say yes by law if so), if they answer no, then hang up. If they answer yes, then tell them the deal can't go down this way, if they ask what you're talking about keep it going. 'repeat this type of deal can't go down like this, you tryin to get me busted?'

46. Ask for relationship advice

47. Try to recruit them to be a phone sex operator

48. Make car noises over the phone

49. Tell them that you won the lottery but can't find your ticket and if they stay on the phone while you look that you'll give them half.

50. Answer the phone and don't say a word, let them finish their sales pitch, ask them to repeat it please, once they complete the sales pitch ask them to repeat it one last time. Once they finish the sales pitch, tell them, 'I just saved one family a very peaceful dinner, good bye!'

51. Tell them that you have some hot products that you need to sell pronto, and ask if they would be interested.

52. Turn your answering machine into a marketing machine

53. Answer the phone by rapping some lyrics and ask them to be in your video

54. Answer the phone and ask them to hold for the person of the house and then answer the phone yourself using the same voice. Once they begin their pitch ask them to hold for another member of the house. Keep it going until they hangup.

55. Answer the phone upset and tell them that you already made the payment and to leave you alone

56. Read them information from the 'Do not call' website: Donotcall.gov

57. Tell them that they have to convince you why you shouldn't add your number to the 'Do Not Call List,' and if they can convince you not to, then you will buy what they're selling. (of course you don't ever want to buy what they are selling)

58. Tell them that the radiation from the phone will cause problems with the plates in your head

59. Ask them to explain the difference from what they are selling and their competitors

60. Speak really bad broken english to them

61. Tell them the difference between roses and daisies. (Just pick a bad and very boring topic)

62. Tell them the pot on the stove top is boiling over so they need to be as quick as possible. Once they get started then tell them to speed it up.

63. Ask them if it's a scam

64. Tell them that you fell for their scam once already and that you will not fall for it again

65. Answer the phone and ask them to speak after the beep. Then just as they get started, beep, and once they get rolling again, beep again.

66. Answer the phone and sit it next to your laptop as you type away

67. Read them a news article and ask for their opinions

68. Ask them if they use or have used what they are selling

69. Offer to give them Sales tips

70. Market your website by giving them your domain name

71. Tell them you want to help them start a new business

72. Recruit them to leave the telemarketing business behind.

73. Ask them if they work from home, if they say no, then tell them you have a great opportunity for them if they are interested (sell them an affiliate program or product)

74. Pretend to be attacked by birds (A buddy of mine did this and it was the funniest thing in the world)

75. Pretend to be accident prone and tell them that you just cut off your finger and need assistance. Ask them what to do.

76. Play an instrument over the phone and ask their opinion

77. Tell them that they have 10-15 seconds to tell you what they're selling. At the end of 10-15 seconds if they are still talking then hang up.

78. Ask them where their office is and tell them they have a package coming.

79. Ask them to speak as sexy as possible to you in order to keep you excited about what they are selling

80. Answer the phone while in the shower

81. Answer the phone and share a list of music bands that you enjoy and tell them why

82. Answer the phone using quotes from famous movies

83. Pretend to be a bland and boring person. Talk very slowly and mono-tone.

84. Act very annoyed over the phone

85. Act very innocent over the phone and pretend to be very interested. Ask the person to hold because you have another telemarketer on the other line.

86. Make the telemarketer win you over by telling them that you just received a better offer from another telemarketer

87. Read this post to them and tell them to stop annoying you

88. Read the spam law and ask them the difference between receiving unwanted calls and unwanted emails

89. Answer the phone and hold it next to the faucet as the water is running

90. Ask them to hold and give the phone to someone else

91. Tell them that you're the mistress or the 'other guy' and that the wife or husband just got home so you have to go

92. Ask them if they have  found religion

93. Threaten to report them to the authorities if they keep harassing you.

94. Tell them all of the things in your life that are currently going wrong

95. Tell them that you are just a burglar and that the '_____ family' is not in right now

96. Speak funny to them. 'What is it meow? How can i woof you?'

97. Speak to them in third person

98. Ask them to sing to you their sales pitch

99. Ask them if they like cats or dogs, then say 'Doh, wrong answer'

100. Put them on hold and leave the speaker phone on

101. Tell them you are in the middle of a crisis and are unsure as to what makeup (if you are a man) or mustache (if you  are a woman) to put on

This is a freebie for you all, if you are like me then you hate receiving calls from these telemarketers at all hours of the day. This is my effort to battle these annoyances.

Thinking Telemarketing

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9 Responses to “101 Creative Ways To Tell A Telemarketer No”

  1. NichM 15 October 2007 at 5:15 pm Permalink

    Haha! What a funny post!

    Great blog!

  2. T 9 August 2009 at 10:14 pm Permalink

    Absolutely Brilliant!

    I’d forgotten how much I love coming here after my hiatus.
    This post alone would have been enough to pull me out of retirement.

    Got to remember to add the link.

  3. beth 31 August 2009 at 12:57 pm Permalink

    some of these things r kinda funny but i just got a job at a telemarketer and ppl dont realize what we have 2 go thru.. i get sent home if i dont make enough sales ppl =[

  4. excellent post, good stuff in this blog!

  5. Frank Beef Jerky Recipe 16 June 2010 at 6:55 pm Permalink

    I have to agree, this is a great and funny post

  6. McKenna 21 July 2010 at 2:01 am Permalink

    LOVE IT!!!!

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